Allow me to welcome you to my little corner of the internet, brianpatrickmccarthy.com. First off, let me say, if you are here to masturbate, just pull up a video, beat off, and come back when you are suitably drained. I don’t like the idea of you sitting there with a hot load in your lap, it cheapens us both.
On this site you will find characters I’ve created, things I’ve done, audio, video, blogs, RPG’s, coupons, rebates, recipes, chat rooms, household hints, fashion ideas, charities I like, charities I don’t like, an advice column, cookies, java applets, pictures, live theatre, gazelles, and some porn.
I live in Brooklyn, New York “Where good manners go to die,” and I hope you will be my friend forever.
Please enjoy all of this hoary bullshit, and, if you don’t, please don’t tell me, this website cost over six hundred thousand dollars, and I don’t want to hear it from you, frankly. Your negativity is why you have bad skin.
Bad Step Dad
Hey kids! It’s your Bad Stepdad! Your mom’s a great kisser!
A few quick notes:
• Drugs are fine as long, as you don’t use needles. But, if you do use needles, try and clean them. You’re welcome!
• If you ever want to learn about sex, I have some magazines under the bathroom sink that I use as a “reference guide” when your mom and i have “date night”.
• I have to use our car, but the law put a breathalyzer on my steering wheel! I’m pretty drunk, so who can blow into my Chevette so I can get to the dog races?
Watch More Bad Step Dad here
Hey dere! It’s time that Quebec is finally on de internets! My name is Jean Baptiste, and my second cousin work for de Ministry of Tourism for Montreal, and he owes me like, $85 dollars US, for some cocaine I smuggled in my asshole from Vermont, so now he hire me to be the cultural advisor for this new website! Alors! So, please watch to see what is appening in Montreal, they give me a bunch of bullshit to read, you should come up here to visit, but make sure it’s in de summer, the winter here is as cold as the hand of a Jew on rent day! Je Me Souvein!
Watch More Jean Baptiste here
Meet Bela, a one-time finalist in the Pan Eastern European Coalition for Gymnastic Excellence. Ten years ago he moved to America. Now he works at night for an escort agency, driving prostitutes to meet their “clients”. During the day, he teaches “Mommy and Me” gymnastic classes to a group of 2 year old children, he refers to as “shitpants”. This is a documentary one father made about a man with tears in his eyes, and a distended belly, full of homemade vodka. Bela!
Watch More Bela here
Brian McCarthy on TV
Check out my Spike TV pilot segment, Panty Droppers as well as my television commercial for Alibaba.com. I improvised my character for both appearances.
Watch More of Brian McCarthy on TV here